Yesterday in the midst of my full on anxiety attack, I decided that I was going to dust the tops of the ceiling fans in rooms where the ceiling is roughly 20ft high. I had to go into the garage and get down a big ladder that TGIM had hooked up on the wall. In order for me to get to the ladder I had to climb over boxes, bikes and a garage bag but once I was at the ladder I figured it couldn't be too hard to get it down since I just navigated my way through an obstacle course to get to it.
Well, in order to get it off the hook you have to lift it up, then out then bring it down. The ladder is a six foot, aluminum ladder. If you've ever had to carry a ladder you know they are quite cumbersome and awkward to carry. Getting them down off a hook isn't a piece of cake either. In the process of me doing this, I did something to my back. I am not exactly sure what I did, but it was something and it hurts. The pain is in my lower back and when I bend over or squat my back spasms and pain radiates down the back of my legs. But, I continued with all my domestic work yesterday and today the pain still lingers.
Along with the pain is the anxiety. My salvation when it comes to anxiety is cleaning, but the other is exercise. I feel better once I've exercised so I went to the gym for a run against my better judgement and I didn't feel so bad. I even got TGIM to go with me! The back pain is being treated with my cocktail of meds and I'm hoping it goes away soon. I can't afford to take time off from the gym!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Grandma
It's my grandma's birthday today. I remember the days leading up to her death and having my cell phone glued to my hand. My sister would call or text and each time I heard my phone make a noise I expected the news. My grandma held on for several days longer than anyone expected and it's a testament to her strength.
The day she died I went to the gym and ran. I focused hard on my run and got a PR for that day. My grandma would have been proud of me for losing weight as she struggled with her weight most of her adult life. I remember going to Weight Watcher meetings with her when I was just a young girl.
Today, my sister called me and was extremely emotional. Where I had a very strong bond with my Grandpa, Bethanie was closest to my Grandma. Bethanie was with her the moment she died and has been struggling with all the feelings that go along with losing a loved one and the loss one goes through in the aftermath. My Grandma was so wise in her words yet never really had a voice. It was those rare instances when my Grandma did get a word in that she was eloquent when she spoke and gave some of the best advice any person has ever given me.
In her final days, my Grandma gave my sister a lot of really good advice. Even as she was dying she nurtured my sister in ways my sister had never been nurtured by her before. And now, on her birthday my sister is grappling with what to do with my Grandma's wedding ring that my Grandma wanted her to have and if my father will do the right thing and part with some of her ashes so Bethanie can have a token of my Grandma's memory with her all the time.
For me, it's not about the things that I have that were my grandparents, it's about the memories I have of years spent with them and how every day I try to make my Grandma and Grandpa proud of who I am and what I am doing in my life.
Running and being healthy is just one of the things that I know they would be happy I'm doing.
The day she died I went to the gym and ran. I focused hard on my run and got a PR for that day. My grandma would have been proud of me for losing weight as she struggled with her weight most of her adult life. I remember going to Weight Watcher meetings with her when I was just a young girl.
Today, my sister called me and was extremely emotional. Where I had a very strong bond with my Grandpa, Bethanie was closest to my Grandma. Bethanie was with her the moment she died and has been struggling with all the feelings that go along with losing a loved one and the loss one goes through in the aftermath. My Grandma was so wise in her words yet never really had a voice. It was those rare instances when my Grandma did get a word in that she was eloquent when she spoke and gave some of the best advice any person has ever given me.
In her final days, my Grandma gave my sister a lot of really good advice. Even as she was dying she nurtured my sister in ways my sister had never been nurtured by her before. And now, on her birthday my sister is grappling with what to do with my Grandma's wedding ring that my Grandma wanted her to have and if my father will do the right thing and part with some of her ashes so Bethanie can have a token of my Grandma's memory with her all the time.
For me, it's not about the things that I have that were my grandparents, it's about the memories I have of years spent with them and how every day I try to make my Grandma and Grandpa proud of who I am and what I am doing in my life.
Running and being healthy is just one of the things that I know they would be happy I'm doing.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Fueling Your Body
Do you ever eat something and after you've eaten it feel sick? Or maybe you have just eaten too much and you feel stuffed? Well, in a moment of weakness last night I ate cookies. If it was a Saturday and my Cheat Day the cookies wouldn't have been an issue, but since it was neither I instantly had those feelings of guilt that I talked about here and it affected how I ran today.
Since I have been on my diet I have come to realize just how bad some foods are and that food really is fuel for your body. The day after my Cheat Days I feel sick. My body reacts to the bad food I was eating by making me lethargic or I end up with stomach issues. It makes me realize how important it is to put the right things in my body if I am going to have any chance at being successful in my run or my weight loss.
Try to keep in mind when you're about to eat something, exactly what kinds of things are in it and try to determine if it's good fuel for your body. You'd be surprised at how unhealthy a lot of things really are for you.
Since I have been on my diet I have come to realize just how bad some foods are and that food really is fuel for your body. The day after my Cheat Days I feel sick. My body reacts to the bad food I was eating by making me lethargic or I end up with stomach issues. It makes me realize how important it is to put the right things in my body if I am going to have any chance at being successful in my run or my weight loss.
Try to keep in mind when you're about to eat something, exactly what kinds of things are in it and try to determine if it's good fuel for your body. You'd be surprised at how unhealthy a lot of things really are for you.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Reflection
Today I cleaned my closet.
If there is one thing you should know about me it's that when my anxiety is triggered my only salvation is cleaning. Usually cleaning the kitchen satisfies my anxiety enough that I can relax a little, but today I have a house full of kids and a clean kitchen just didn't do the trick. So, I tackled my closet.
As I was sitting on the floor organizing all my cute heels that I rarely wear, I looked up at my pants that hang on hangers lining the back wall of my closet. I have about 20 pairs of pants on hangers. Three of which I wear with any frequency and a pair of jeans that I got at Delia's for $9.99 that I love. The rest are there taking up space.
I stood up and started from the back corner and went across the row of pants looking at the sizes. 22, 18, 16, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10. A huge range of sizes. The size 22 pants are a pair of dress pants I wore when I was my heaviest. I got rid of all my plus size clothing except for those pants because when I lost 100lbs I wanted to hold those up to me on the cover of People Magazine when they do their annual weight loss article. The other sizes are just in there all mixed up between dress pants and jeans. There's a pair of Dickies that were my favorite jeans when I was around a size 14/16 that I held on to for some reason. You'd think since I was cleaning my closet I would have gotten rid of all the clothes that are too big for me. But, something was holding me back. In all the years that I have been losing weight, I haven't had any significant weight gains so why didn't I throw away the clothes that are too big on me?
Perhaps it's a security thing. Perhaps it's the fact that when I look in the mirror, though that 253lb girl isn't standing there before me anymore, I still see her. I see every imperfection, roll of fat, stretch mark, blister, chaffing, sore, cellulite and it is like a beacon telling me I need to run harder and keep losing weight. I hope one day all those things I see as imperfections will one day be considered battle scars for where I was and how far I've come.
If there is one thing you should know about me it's that when my anxiety is triggered my only salvation is cleaning. Usually cleaning the kitchen satisfies my anxiety enough that I can relax a little, but today I have a house full of kids and a clean kitchen just didn't do the trick. So, I tackled my closet.
As I was sitting on the floor organizing all my cute heels that I rarely wear, I looked up at my pants that hang on hangers lining the back wall of my closet. I have about 20 pairs of pants on hangers. Three of which I wear with any frequency and a pair of jeans that I got at Delia's for $9.99 that I love. The rest are there taking up space.
I stood up and started from the back corner and went across the row of pants looking at the sizes. 22, 18, 16, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10. A huge range of sizes. The size 22 pants are a pair of dress pants I wore when I was my heaviest. I got rid of all my plus size clothing except for those pants because when I lost 100lbs I wanted to hold those up to me on the cover of People Magazine when they do their annual weight loss article. The other sizes are just in there all mixed up between dress pants and jeans. There's a pair of Dickies that were my favorite jeans when I was around a size 14/16 that I held on to for some reason. You'd think since I was cleaning my closet I would have gotten rid of all the clothes that are too big for me. But, something was holding me back. In all the years that I have been losing weight, I haven't had any significant weight gains so why didn't I throw away the clothes that are too big on me?
Perhaps it's a security thing. Perhaps it's the fact that when I look in the mirror, though that 253lb girl isn't standing there before me anymore, I still see her. I see every imperfection, roll of fat, stretch mark, blister, chaffing, sore, cellulite and it is like a beacon telling me I need to run harder and keep losing weight. I hope one day all those things I see as imperfections will one day be considered battle scars for where I was and how far I've come.
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Power of Gluttony
Cheat Day this Saturday was amazing. Reese's Pieces for breakfast, tons of bread from our favorite local Italian restaurant, pizza, ice cream. It's amazing that I notice a change in the way my clothes fit. (Notice I didn't say I noticed a difference on the scale because the scale is my nemesis and often times I want to kick it and toss it into the canal.)
Since Cheat Day has ended I am back to eating healthy and have gone back to logging my eating at Livestrong.com. If you would like the username and password to see what I am eating, just send me a message and I will send it to you.
I haven't ran in a few days either. I am giving my body a chance to recover from my over indulgence on Saturday. I will be back at the gym tomorrow because it's just a few months before I run the Cops and Joggers 5k and then (DRUM ROLL, PLEASE!!!!) TGIM and I have signed up for Warrior Dash!!!! My friend Raphie told me about this event and I was oozing with excitement when I saw what it entails. Then, I showed TGIM and he told me I wouldn't be able to do it because I'd get all dirty and I hate being dirty. Him saying that made me want to do it even more, so I went and signed us up! I am hoping our friends The Blue's sign up as well because it's always fun to run a race where you get all dirty and muddy then get beer at the end with some great friends.
So, the running shoes go back on tomorrow and I will be running my four miler. I think after the month of July I am going to bump it up to five miles.
Since Cheat Day has ended I am back to eating healthy and have gone back to logging my eating at Livestrong.com. If you would like the username and password to see what I am eating, just send me a message and I will send it to you.
I haven't ran in a few days either. I am giving my body a chance to recover from my over indulgence on Saturday. I will be back at the gym tomorrow because it's just a few months before I run the Cops and Joggers 5k and then (DRUM ROLL, PLEASE!!!!) TGIM and I have signed up for Warrior Dash!!!! My friend Raphie told me about this event and I was oozing with excitement when I saw what it entails. Then, I showed TGIM and he told me I wouldn't be able to do it because I'd get all dirty and I hate being dirty. Him saying that made me want to do it even more, so I went and signed us up! I am hoping our friends The Blue's sign up as well because it's always fun to run a race where you get all dirty and muddy then get beer at the end with some great friends.
So, the running shoes go back on tomorrow and I will be running my four miler. I think after the month of July I am going to bump it up to five miles.
Friday, July 15, 2011
If you recall I posted about the curses of flabby skin here a few days ago??
Well here is an example of some of the irritation I get from the excess skin:
You can't really tell by the picture but it kinda burns and stuff.... Not fun!
Well here is an example of some of the irritation I get from the excess skin:
You can't really tell by the picture but it kinda burns and stuff.... Not fun!
Confessions
Oh you love a good confession, don't you? I see you leaning forward closer to your computer so you can make sure you catch every word.
Well, it's really nothing that fantastic. But it's fantastic enough that I thought I'd share....
I work nights. As in overnight shift. As in graveyard shift. As in when you're getting up to go to your job, I'm leaving my work to go home and go to bed. Your lunch hour is my REM sleep. So that means my eating schedule, sleeping schedule, family schedule, normal life schedule is all messed up. I've been working nights for many years now so it's really become my normal but what never seems to adjust to normal is by body. I eat dinner at 10 at night. Most nights when I am off work, I try to eat later than everyone else. Trying to maintain an overnight shift life on your days off is hard but I have tried to adapt. However, before I started changing my eating habits I used to frequent late night drive-thru's on my break which is a 45 minute break I take at 2:30 in the morning. You'd be surprised how late different restaurants stay open. Taco Bell, McDonalds, Wendy's...all OPEN LATE.
I had a thought today as I left work on my break that I have since broken the habit of driving to one of these places to satisfying a carb craving in the wee hours of the morning. But, I also miss the taste. I miss Diet Coke. I can't tell you how bad I miss Diet Coke. But, I haven't had one since March 16th, 2011. I really miss Diet Coke from McDonalds. And I miss french fries. And my confession is that every night I worked, I'd eat fries and drink Diet Coke alone in my car and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt after it. Like the type of guilt you might feel leaving your child at daycare, I felt about eating shitty food late at night.
Since having changed that about my break and modifying other things in my diet, I have found that I am getting results. The Cheat Day is my salvation. I probably wouldn't have managed this long without allowing myself the one day a week that I do.
So there it is. I have confessed to being a fast food junkie ......
Well, it's really nothing that fantastic. But it's fantastic enough that I thought I'd share....
I work nights. As in overnight shift. As in graveyard shift. As in when you're getting up to go to your job, I'm leaving my work to go home and go to bed. Your lunch hour is my REM sleep. So that means my eating schedule, sleeping schedule, family schedule, normal life schedule is all messed up. I've been working nights for many years now so it's really become my normal but what never seems to adjust to normal is by body. I eat dinner at 10 at night. Most nights when I am off work, I try to eat later than everyone else. Trying to maintain an overnight shift life on your days off is hard but I have tried to adapt. However, before I started changing my eating habits I used to frequent late night drive-thru's on my break which is a 45 minute break I take at 2:30 in the morning. You'd be surprised how late different restaurants stay open. Taco Bell, McDonalds, Wendy's...all OPEN LATE.
I had a thought today as I left work on my break that I have since broken the habit of driving to one of these places to satisfying a carb craving in the wee hours of the morning. But, I also miss the taste. I miss Diet Coke. I can't tell you how bad I miss Diet Coke. But, I haven't had one since March 16th, 2011. I really miss Diet Coke from McDonalds. And I miss french fries. And my confession is that every night I worked, I'd eat fries and drink Diet Coke alone in my car and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt after it. Like the type of guilt you might feel leaving your child at daycare, I felt about eating shitty food late at night.
Since having changed that about my break and modifying other things in my diet, I have found that I am getting results. The Cheat Day is my salvation. I probably wouldn't have managed this long without allowing myself the one day a week that I do.
So there it is. I have confessed to being a fast food junkie ......
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Gym Etiquette
If I am on a machine and dripping with sweat please do not crane your neck into my space to see how much time I have left on that particular machine. I'll be done when I am done. By you doing that I purposely take breaks I don't need just to piss you off. I stop the machine for a breather to trick you into thinking I am done with my workout. Next time you do that, I'm going to leave the handlebars all wet with my sweat and fart as I walk away.
Thankyouverymuch.
Thankyouverymuch.
Monday, July 11, 2011
When to Officially Call Yourself A Runner?
Well, I did another four miles today. I felt strong in the first mile. I actually ran the entire mile. Usually I poop out around .75 miles and I end up needing a breather for about 30 seconds but today I ran the whole mile.
Then I ran three more. Then my girl friend came over and we started talking about feet and since I am not a big fan of feet and the most I do with my feet is paint my toenails, I noticed these bad boys on the bottoms of my feet.
Two blisters festering on my heels. Does this mean I am officially a runner now because I got my first set of blisters?
Then I ran three more. Then my girl friend came over and we started talking about feet and since I am not a big fan of feet and the most I do with my feet is paint my toenails, I noticed these bad boys on the bottoms of my feet.
Two blisters festering on my heels. Does this mean I am officially a runner now because I got my first set of blisters?
Hair pieces and Health
I have resided to the fact that it is impossible to look cute at the gym. I don't even bother trying to do anything with myself before I go because I'm an overweight, middle aged, sweaty girl breathing heavy on a treadmill. No one is really paying attention to me anyway. But, some people at the gym obviously think differently.
One day before my workout I stopped into the bathroom/locker room. I'll have you know that this particular place is one that I don't normally venture into because the thought of seeing naked women who parade around an open area just isn't my forte. I usually never have to go to the bathroom while I'm at the gym but this one day I couldn't hold it. As I walk in I see a woman standing before a large full length mirror in a sports bra and biker shorts. She was about 67 years old, very tan to the point she looked like a raisin and had bright white blonde hair tousled up in a loose ponytail atop her head. She looked like a regular at the gym and I sensed she knew her way around the locker room much better than I did. I didn't want to stare at her for any length of time but it was hard not to when I noticed what she was doing in front of the mirror. In her hand she held a brush and in the other hand she held a hairpiece that she was brushing out.
I paused for a moment to look at her and saw that though her hair was half a hot mess on top her head and the rest was being held in her hand, her make-up was done up like she was going to a formal event. Except, not a nice type of make-up where you'd look at her and think she looked nice, it was the kind of make-up that looked like she opened her make-up bag and dumped the contents on her face. I assumed she must be post-workout.
Once I did my business, I exited the bathroom to find the woman attempting to attach the hair piece to her head. I almost wanted to offer my assistance because it appeared as though the thing did not want to go on her head. But, then I was afraid it was some kind of animal and decided I didn't want to get injured before my run by some wild hair piece so I went on my way.
About 20 minutes into my workout, the woman appeared on the gym floor. She was all dolled up with her wig on, make up splattered all over her face, sports bra hoisting her fake boobs up to her chin and her tight biker shorts hugged her skinny legs. I was sure she'd hop on a treadmill and start hauling ass. But, instead, she got on the treadmill, set it to about two miles an hour and walked on it as if she was strutting down the catwalk in Milan.
Now that I've noticed this woman, I see her all the time at the gym and she looks the same way every time. I often wonder if someone should give her a heads up that we are at a gym and not a fashion show.....but then I'd be afraid her hairpiece might attack someone!
One day before my workout I stopped into the bathroom/locker room. I'll have you know that this particular place is one that I don't normally venture into because the thought of seeing naked women who parade around an open area just isn't my forte. I usually never have to go to the bathroom while I'm at the gym but this one day I couldn't hold it. As I walk in I see a woman standing before a large full length mirror in a sports bra and biker shorts. She was about 67 years old, very tan to the point she looked like a raisin and had bright white blonde hair tousled up in a loose ponytail atop her head. She looked like a regular at the gym and I sensed she knew her way around the locker room much better than I did. I didn't want to stare at her for any length of time but it was hard not to when I noticed what she was doing in front of the mirror. In her hand she held a brush and in the other hand she held a hairpiece that she was brushing out.
I paused for a moment to look at her and saw that though her hair was half a hot mess on top her head and the rest was being held in her hand, her make-up was done up like she was going to a formal event. Except, not a nice type of make-up where you'd look at her and think she looked nice, it was the kind of make-up that looked like she opened her make-up bag and dumped the contents on her face. I assumed she must be post-workout.
Once I did my business, I exited the bathroom to find the woman attempting to attach the hair piece to her head. I almost wanted to offer my assistance because it appeared as though the thing did not want to go on her head. But, then I was afraid it was some kind of animal and decided I didn't want to get injured before my run by some wild hair piece so I went on my way.
About 20 minutes into my workout, the woman appeared on the gym floor. She was all dolled up with her wig on, make up splattered all over her face, sports bra hoisting her fake boobs up to her chin and her tight biker shorts hugged her skinny legs. I was sure she'd hop on a treadmill and start hauling ass. But, instead, she got on the treadmill, set it to about two miles an hour and walked on it as if she was strutting down the catwalk in Milan.
Now that I've noticed this woman, I see her all the time at the gym and she looks the same way every time. I often wonder if someone should give her a heads up that we are at a gym and not a fashion show.....but then I'd be afraid her hairpiece might attack someone!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
My Heart Belongs to Cheat Day
I've been on this diet about four months now. A diet that started out pretty rigid and took some getting used to but has slowly become a way of life for me and not really a diet. When asked, "What kind of diet are you on?" I just want to start jawing away at this new way I've found to eat. But really people only want a one or two word answer: Weight Watchers, Adkins, South Beach, Nutrisystem, low carb, low calorie, low fat. My "diet" isn't that simple. And it's amazing to me that my body is working the way that it does with the foods I put into it.
Without boring the crap out of you by sounding preachy or on a soapbox i will just say that I eat high (VERY HIGH) protein and low metabolic carbs. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, depends on what you know about carbs. Not all carbs are bad. Not all bad carbs are super bad. Eating all bads carbs all the time, not exercising and having Snickers bars smeared on your face is going to keep you overweight. But, if you eat carbs that are good for you and metabolize slowly in your system then it takes longer for them to work through your body. The high protein is what keeps me feeling full. I used to be a big high fiber person because it's been said that eating high fiber keeps you full. But the ramifications that come with eating high fiber include my stomach bloating out like an alien and stinky farts. No one wants to be around that shit.
So... now my husband just came in the room and I totally lost my train of thought. He is bound to turn on the TV and then I will get sucked into Hoarders and never get to the point. If I even had one.
Bottom line: Saturday's are my cheat days because all the crap I eat throws off the metabolism in my body and my body is like, "What the heck are you doing here? We have been so happy with what you have been putting into me and now you go and eat Ben and Jerry's Heath bar ice cream????" And I laugh and stuff fistfulls of sinful goodness into my mouth for a 24 hour period and then it's back on track the next day.
Without boring the crap out of you by sounding preachy or on a soapbox i will just say that I eat high (VERY HIGH) protein and low metabolic carbs. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, depends on what you know about carbs. Not all carbs are bad. Not all bad carbs are super bad. Eating all bads carbs all the time, not exercising and having Snickers bars smeared on your face is going to keep you overweight. But, if you eat carbs that are good for you and metabolize slowly in your system then it takes longer for them to work through your body. The high protein is what keeps me feeling full. I used to be a big high fiber person because it's been said that eating high fiber keeps you full. But the ramifications that come with eating high fiber include my stomach bloating out like an alien and stinky farts. No one wants to be around that shit.
So... now my husband just came in the room and I totally lost my train of thought. He is bound to turn on the TV and then I will get sucked into Hoarders and never get to the point. If I even had one.
Bottom line: Saturday's are my cheat days because all the crap I eat throws off the metabolism in my body and my body is like, "What the heck are you doing here? We have been so happy with what you have been putting into me and now you go and eat Ben and Jerry's Heath bar ice cream????" And I laugh and stuff fistfulls of sinful goodness into my mouth for a 24 hour period and then it's back on track the next day.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
She's Going the Distance....
Melinda Mae by Shel Silverstein
Who ate a monstrous whale?
She thought she could,
She said she would,
So she started in right at the tail.
And everyone said,"You're much too small,"
But that didn't bother Melinda at all,
She took little bites and she chewed very slow,
Just like a good girl should...
...and in eighty-nine years she ate that whale
Because she said she would!
There is something to say about Melinda Mae eating the monstrous whale. She set out to do something and even though it took her a reeeeeeeeeeally long time she did it because she said she would. This poem to me is two-fold. One, it talks about literally doing something you said you were going to do and doing it. And keeping your word. Second, goal setting no matter how long it takes.
I am big advocate of keeping your word. If I say I am going to do something, I do it. I'm reliable like that. And I had said I was going to run four miles and I did. Now, don't get me wrong it sucked the entire time I was doing it. Again, another complete and total mind fuck where my brain was trying to convince my body that I wasn't able to keep going. I ended up focusing on this silver knob on one of the weight machines to concentrate to get my head in the game. This isn't the best idea when there is someone on the machine and you're running with this intense look on your face, staring in their direction, face red as a beet and breathing heavy. I hope the old guy knew I was really determined to run the four miles and not oddly checking him out.
Four miles is the longest distance I have ran so far and I am working my way up to a 10k. For those of you who don't know how far a 10k is it's like a million miles. Ok, maybe not that far. More like 6 1/2 miles. For someone who at the beginning of the year didn't even know how to run, I've come a long way. I appreciate all the supportive people I have and the great networks of friends that encourage me and inspire me.
I'm going to keep trying to run four miles for a few weeks and try to get a decent time, where then I will work up to five miles... then six.. then six and a half.... and maybe by the time I get to the 10k, it will be time to run the Cops and Joggers 5k in October and I will be the leader of the pack. Ok, let's be realistic here.....I might not be the leader, but I won't be at the very end either! The one in the middle is the green kangaroo. I'm cool with being a green kangaroo.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Won't Be Running Today
I try to run at least five days a week. The days I don't run I still attempt to maintain a healthy diet. It gets hard to run on the days when I work back-to-back but an effort is made whenever I can make the effort.
I'm really going to try to make my next goal to be able to run 4 miles. I know I can do it. I've run a little over three miles so many times by doing the 5k and I am going to work my way up to a 10k. I struggled for months trying to determine whether I should try to go faster or longer distance. I would ask people their opinion and I got varying answers. So, I would try to just push myself harder which inevitably meant I ran faster. But, now I am thinking I am going to slow it down a bit and attempt to just run a consistent pace, thus allowing myself the endurance to run farther not so much as faster.
I figured it is time in my workout regime to also bump up how long I work out. I attempted to work out for an hour a few weeks ago but after I'd run a 5k the last thing I felt like doing was hopping on another machine and working out for another 20-25 minutes. I would end up just grabbing my stuff and heading out the door of the gym. I got to thinking that a good way to get me to stay longer is to run farther. So, next time at the gym my goal is four miles in an undetermined amount of minutes but I am thinking I can probably do it in about 45 minutes. But we will see..... Wish me luck.
I'm really going to try to make my next goal to be able to run 4 miles. I know I can do it. I've run a little over three miles so many times by doing the 5k and I am going to work my way up to a 10k. I struggled for months trying to determine whether I should try to go faster or longer distance. I would ask people their opinion and I got varying answers. So, I would try to just push myself harder which inevitably meant I ran faster. But, now I am thinking I am going to slow it down a bit and attempt to just run a consistent pace, thus allowing myself the endurance to run farther not so much as faster.
I figured it is time in my workout regime to also bump up how long I work out. I attempted to work out for an hour a few weeks ago but after I'd run a 5k the last thing I felt like doing was hopping on another machine and working out for another 20-25 minutes. I would end up just grabbing my stuff and heading out the door of the gym. I got to thinking that a good way to get me to stay longer is to run farther. So, next time at the gym my goal is four miles in an undetermined amount of minutes but I am thinking I can probably do it in about 45 minutes. But we will see..... Wish me luck.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
The Trials and Tribulations of Flabby Skin
Before I dive into this post, I want to praise my dearest friend Raphie for the completion of her first 5k. I am so proud of her and her motivation to get out there and pound the pavement. I know what it feels like to cross the finish line for the first time, and I only wish I would have been there to grab her up in my arms and give her the biggest squeeze a proud friend could give her. Determination and motivation lead to inspiration and action. Keep running, Raph.
I'm creeping up on this 100 lbs weight loss, I think. The scale has a mind of its own but assuming I'm like 13lbs away, there is 87lbs worth of stretched out skin and flab that is wondering where all its filler went. Because of the way my body has morphed, I wear Spanx every.single.day. People often say to me that they can't believe that I wear them all day, every day for well over 12 hours at a time some days and I wonder why they find this so remarkable. The main reason I wear them is because if I don't any shirt I wear makes an indentation where my belly button is and you can see that my belly button is roughly four inches long in an skinny oval shape with skin hanging over it so you really can't see the "button" just the "belly". The Spanx smooth out the tummy area eliminating the dreaded oblong belly button indent and the muffin top. My self consciousness is crazy when it comes to those two things. I don't want to look at it and I am sure no one else wants to look at it either.
Another reason I wear Spanx is because when I run the skin dances all over me. It wiggles to the left and right. Up and down. Up, right, down, left, circles, zig zag....all about. Spanx bind me in and I don't feel that movement. They're a necessity for running. However, when all the skin is all bunched up and squeezed into a set of super control top nylons, the skin gets unhappy. Imagine taking a partially filled water balloon and trying to stuff it into a baby's tube sock. It's not an easy task and though it might fit, it's going to meet with some resistance. Well, when my skin resists the Spanx I get little sores, chaffing, Spanx burns on my hips, under my stomach flab and around my back. These unsightly, often painful, abrasions are reminders to me that one day I will have all this excessive skin removed via a tummy tuck.
I have stopped really talking about having the surgery because I know it's not going to happen this year. Probably not next year either. I will most likely hit my 100lbs weight loss goal and not see a surgeon for the skin issue for years after my milestone. But, the reason I want it done is always marked on my body. I see it in the morning before I go to sleep for the night. I see it before I get into the shower. I dab the blood off it when I strip down out of my Spanx after a rigorous run. And I think about these blemishes going away one day and maybe I will have a body I will be happy to show off without stuffing it into a nude colored binding apparatus day after day.
I'm creeping up on this 100 lbs weight loss, I think. The scale has a mind of its own but assuming I'm like 13lbs away, there is 87lbs worth of stretched out skin and flab that is wondering where all its filler went. Because of the way my body has morphed, I wear Spanx every.single.day. People often say to me that they can't believe that I wear them all day, every day for well over 12 hours at a time some days and I wonder why they find this so remarkable. The main reason I wear them is because if I don't any shirt I wear makes an indentation where my belly button is and you can see that my belly button is roughly four inches long in an skinny oval shape with skin hanging over it so you really can't see the "button" just the "belly". The Spanx smooth out the tummy area eliminating the dreaded oblong belly button indent and the muffin top. My self consciousness is crazy when it comes to those two things. I don't want to look at it and I am sure no one else wants to look at it either.
Another reason I wear Spanx is because when I run the skin dances all over me. It wiggles to the left and right. Up and down. Up, right, down, left, circles, zig zag....all about. Spanx bind me in and I don't feel that movement. They're a necessity for running. However, when all the skin is all bunched up and squeezed into a set of super control top nylons, the skin gets unhappy. Imagine taking a partially filled water balloon and trying to stuff it into a baby's tube sock. It's not an easy task and though it might fit, it's going to meet with some resistance. Well, when my skin resists the Spanx I get little sores, chaffing, Spanx burns on my hips, under my stomach flab and around my back. These unsightly, often painful, abrasions are reminders to me that one day I will have all this excessive skin removed via a tummy tuck.
I have stopped really talking about having the surgery because I know it's not going to happen this year. Probably not next year either. I will most likely hit my 100lbs weight loss goal and not see a surgeon for the skin issue for years after my milestone. But, the reason I want it done is always marked on my body. I see it in the morning before I go to sleep for the night. I see it before I get into the shower. I dab the blood off it when I strip down out of my Spanx after a rigorous run. And I think about these blemishes going away one day and maybe I will have a body I will be happy to show off without stuffing it into a nude colored binding apparatus day after day.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Where I Was, Where I Am Now.
This blog was set up to chronicle my journey in this never ending battle with weight loss but sometimes other things creep up in our lives that affect our motivation, determination or self esteem.
I spent the majority of my mid twenties up until now overweight. During my mid to late twenties I was a very angry person. I felt terrible about myself, the way I looked and the surroundings I found myself in. I was a stay-at-home mom scrambling to raise three little kids while my marriage and financial stability was crumbling away. I was angry at everyone. I was angry at people who didn't deserve my anger to be directed at them. I spent more time being pissed off at everyone and everything that I lost focus of the person I was and who I wanted my children to be.
Self esteem wasn't in my vocabulary. And when you feel like shit, you act like shit, you treat people like shit and your whole world turns to shit. I hated who I was and what was going on around me. The time I wasted being angry at people and bullying others had my entire family divided.
Then I took hold of things and decided to make changes. With those changes came a new found respect for myself and those around me. When I became happier, my husband became happier. When I became happier, my children were happier. When I became happier, good things started to happen.
I think a part of my happiness came in my weight loss. And since I have really been putting my heart and soul into running, I notice I use it as an outlet for my anger. I run when I'm frustrated with something. I run when I am stressed out. I run when I feel sad. The day my Grandma died I had one of my best runs. It is therapeutic for me. After running I feel so much better and because I use it as an outlet for all my emotions I found that things bother me less. My husband and I communicate more effectively. I care more about things and people around me.
I know there are some people in my life that are going through hard times. They are at their wits end with things and find solace in talking to me about their issues. I listen, attempt to mentor and offer advice if I can. But one thing I'd like to say to those people is when you're feeling stressed out, when that one phone call makes you want to rip your hair out, when all you feel like you want to do is direct your anger at some innocent person because the person you're really mad at isn't there to vent to put on your tennis shoes and run. Run hard. Hit the pavement with all your might. Run fast. Eventually things will turn around and not only will you notice changes in your life you will notice them in your body too!
If you don't believe me, watch this video.
I spent the majority of my mid twenties up until now overweight. During my mid to late twenties I was a very angry person. I felt terrible about myself, the way I looked and the surroundings I found myself in. I was a stay-at-home mom scrambling to raise three little kids while my marriage and financial stability was crumbling away. I was angry at everyone. I was angry at people who didn't deserve my anger to be directed at them. I spent more time being pissed off at everyone and everything that I lost focus of the person I was and who I wanted my children to be.
Self esteem wasn't in my vocabulary. And when you feel like shit, you act like shit, you treat people like shit and your whole world turns to shit. I hated who I was and what was going on around me. The time I wasted being angry at people and bullying others had my entire family divided.
Then I took hold of things and decided to make changes. With those changes came a new found respect for myself and those around me. When I became happier, my husband became happier. When I became happier, my children were happier. When I became happier, good things started to happen.
I think a part of my happiness came in my weight loss. And since I have really been putting my heart and soul into running, I notice I use it as an outlet for my anger. I run when I'm frustrated with something. I run when I am stressed out. I run when I feel sad. The day my Grandma died I had one of my best runs. It is therapeutic for me. After running I feel so much better and because I use it as an outlet for all my emotions I found that things bother me less. My husband and I communicate more effectively. I care more about things and people around me.
I know there are some people in my life that are going through hard times. They are at their wits end with things and find solace in talking to me about their issues. I listen, attempt to mentor and offer advice if I can. But one thing I'd like to say to those people is when you're feeling stressed out, when that one phone call makes you want to rip your hair out, when all you feel like you want to do is direct your anger at some innocent person because the person you're really mad at isn't there to vent to put on your tennis shoes and run. Run hard. Hit the pavement with all your might. Run fast. Eventually things will turn around and not only will you notice changes in your life you will notice them in your body too!
If you don't believe me, watch this video.
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