I'm still flip flopping between denial and depression.  Only the denial now comes in the form of wondering how he could just not help me at all financially with bills.  The mortgage payment is stressing me out.  It's so important that it gets paid.  I don't want to have another foreclosure.  We worked so hard to buy this house, why would he just want to see it fall apart?  This is where his children live.  This is our home.  Doesn't he see that?  What part of his brain is allowing him to make these decisions that are so negatively affecting us? 

I'm so sick of crying every day.  I am so sick of hearing what my friends have done over the weekend with their families and I look around that my family that has been torn apart.  I want to just stop talking to everyone because I don't really care about what anyone has going on in their lives right now.  I am starting not to even care what is going on in mine.  I hate myself for how I can't pull myself out of this and move forward.  I hate how I look.  I hate that my hair is frizzy and thighs are big and my ass is huge.  I hate that flab of skin I have that is a constant reminder of how fat I was and how I still haven't reached the goal that I have been striving to achieve for years now.  I have ugly hands.  My chin has zits all over it.  My eyes are blood shot and red and puffy because I cry nonstop. 

Why did he do this to us?  Why doesn't he care?