After two years of arguing, mounds of papers, hiring and firing of lawyers, hours of mediation and thousands of dollars in attorney's fees it was a phone call on a Monday morning from the secretary at my attorney's office to announce that I was officially divorced that ended this saga. I thanked her for the information. She told me to go celebrate. I assured her I would and as I hung up the phone I realized I had no feelings of happiness or remorse about the news I was just given.
You see, I was "divorced" back in November of 2011 when He sat across from me on the lanai and told me he didn't want to be married any more. That's when my marriage was over. It was that night that I found Her picture on his phone and it was then my marriage was irretrievably broken. It was all those nights that I would call from work and he would be on the phone with her but lie and say he was talking to someone else at eleven o'clock at night. It was the phone calls to her and me screaming to leave my family alone but she never hearing a word of what I said. My marriage was over when He stood in the garage of our home and told me he was in love with Her and all the other things he said to me that repeatedly tore my heart into shreds. I didn't need a judge or a lawyer or two years and a Final Judgement to tell me my marriage was broken.
The day I signed my Special Interrogatories, I had to answer if my marriage was irretrievably broken and then give a brief explanation as to why. Did it matter at that point? I had gotten all the way to the final settlement, did it really matter why I was there? Regardless of what I put in that explanation box would it have made a difference in the judge's decision on the Final Settlement? My lawyer filled in in for me: "Alienation of Affection". Essentially, he had an affair.
With it all said and done now, I am moving on with my life. I am going to date and see how that goes. The next part of this blog just might be some pretty funny stories about these first dates that I go on. Stay tuned!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Maybe I'm Too Headstrong
"Madness" by Muse
I have probably listened to the song "Madness" by Muse over 500 hundred times in the last three months.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Arriving at Change
Everything changes. Every second, every minute something is changing whether it is for the better or for the worst and it's my job to know how to adapt to it. Change is something that doesn't come easy for me. Changes in my life are things I fight and I resist them constantly. What I have today may become what I had tomorrow. Things change, often spontaneously. People and circumstances
come and go. My life didn't stop when I slipped into depression after He left and everything in my life changed. It moved rapidly and
rushed from calm to chaos in a matter of seconds.
Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives. He might have thought his seemingly innocuous event didn't rattle my whole world. But it took my entire life and swiveled it and flipped it upside down on the strength of that unpredictable event. What was mine? The day he uttered the words, "I'm in love with her."
However bad that situation was then and how I felt about it, it changed. I have come to realize that every ending is the beginning of something else. Every exit is an entry somewhere else. Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because I probably wouldn't move unless circumstances forced me to. My best lessons were learned at the worst times and from the worst points in my life. From that, though, I have learned so much about myself and about how much I have changed as a person from two years ago when I found out about the affair and filed for divorce to the months after and the angry person I was as I dealt with the new life I was living. Then the year and a half I spent completely removed from myself as I fought tooth and nail to get my marital settlement. And, now in the last four months I have changed again.
I'm not the same person I was four months ago, last month, or even a week ago. In order to change and maintain peace and serenity in my life, I had to find the strength to laugh every day. I had to find it in myself to make others smile too. I had to stop stressing over things I couldn't change. I had to live simply, love generously, speak truthfully, work diligently. And even if I fall short, I keep going because every moment gives me a new beginning and a new ending. I get a second chance, every second. I just have to take it and make the best of it. I wasn't making the best of my second chances. I was taking them for granted. I often felt like quitting, but I had to remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. I had to live through my very worst, to arrive at my very best.
Sometimes the shortest split second in time changes the direction of our lives. He might have thought his seemingly innocuous event didn't rattle my whole world. But it took my entire life and swiveled it and flipped it upside down on the strength of that unpredictable event. What was mine? The day he uttered the words, "I'm in love with her."
However bad that situation was then and how I felt about it, it changed. I have come to realize that every ending is the beginning of something else. Every exit is an entry somewhere else. Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because I probably wouldn't move unless circumstances forced me to. My best lessons were learned at the worst times and from the worst points in my life. From that, though, I have learned so much about myself and about how much I have changed as a person from two years ago when I found out about the affair and filed for divorce to the months after and the angry person I was as I dealt with the new life I was living. Then the year and a half I spent completely removed from myself as I fought tooth and nail to get my marital settlement. And, now in the last four months I have changed again.
I'm not the same person I was four months ago, last month, or even a week ago. In order to change and maintain peace and serenity in my life, I had to find the strength to laugh every day. I had to find it in myself to make others smile too. I had to stop stressing over things I couldn't change. I had to live simply, love generously, speak truthfully, work diligently. And even if I fall short, I keep going because every moment gives me a new beginning and a new ending. I get a second chance, every second. I just have to take it and make the best of it. I wasn't making the best of my second chances. I was taking them for granted. I often felt like quitting, but I had to remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. I had to live through my very worst, to arrive at my very best.
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