I had every intention of running this morning. In fact, I got on my running uniform and sucked down my Gu and made it about a half a mile until the fact that the shirt I wanted to wear on my run wasn't where I had thought it was and instantly that one thing made me get all anxious and i turned around and headed home to find the shirt.
People! What is wrong with me?
How can the fact that I couldn't find my shirt when I left for my run today cause me to not be able to focus on running?
Because of this situation today, I have come to realize there are a few more things I need to add to my get-up when I go for the run. I have the Ugly Hat, the capri's, the shirt, the water bottle... but here are a few more:
1. .25mg Xanax (which is my .50mg Xanax broken in half)
2. new songs for my 5k playlist (I'm taking suggestions.)
3. socks that aren't Thor-lo
4. 800mg Ibuprofen
5. someone to encourage me when I set out for the run. someone at my first mile to help me stretch and someone near the end to cheer me on during the home stretch. This "someone" can be the same person.
6. A run buddy. As in, someone who runs WITH me.
Making these minor adjustments should put me in perfect training mode in a mere three weeks.
I also felt like I just wasn't into this run today after an email I sent to Autumn and Raphie. The drama swirling around me has seemed to die down a bit, but with it came changes I wasn't anticipating and ones that left me sad and let down. I have expressed these feelings to Raphie and Autumn on numerous occasions and they have been open and honest with me in how to go about dealing with the issue. That being said, it doesn't take away from the fact that there are things I want to say, places I want to go, things I want to see and unfortunately I am not able to do that anymore. It bothers me when things change and I have no say in it. And, when things like that happen I find that I preoccupy myself with something else (Running) so I don't have to deal with the reality of what is going on. Before, when I had issues/change I ate. Now, I try hard not to eat and instead I run. Or try to run. I guess what I am getting at here is that, if it wasn't the issue with the shirt today that threw off my morning run, then it might have been the friendship issue, the dirty kitchen issue, the missing my friends and family in Michigan issue. But, when you have a person you trusted, laughed with, confided in, opened your home to or treated as a family member and then suddenly they're just ...poof....removed from your every day.....it fucks with your head. And, I miss my friends. So as I have said numerous times before, I run....I suggest to you that when you encounter a hurdle in your life, take a minute to go outside and just start running....you'd be amazed at how sometimes that's all it takes.
I only wish today was one of those days. But, I am going to get back out there this afternoon and press on....
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