I Think I Swallowed a Boulder

There has been this heaviness in my gut for more than a year.  Some days I feel like maybe I have been able to briefly shake it, but eventually it creeps up again and there it looms.  It's a heaviness that keeps me from ever feeling like I can just relax.  And, I'm ready for that feeling to go away.

I spent about a year and a half alone without someone to fill the emptiness of my time once He left.  Then, out of nowhere, I met someone who made that heaviness in my gut subside and the smile on my face reappear.  But, there was work to do.  I had realized during the year and half that I was alone why He had left and what part I played in his departure and I accepted responsibility for that.  Something else I realized was I'm a difficult person to love and it's just who I am.

Who am I?

I am hard working and I like for things to be organized.  When things are not organized, I am the person to get them organized.

I have a hard time relaxing and I constantly have to be doing something because I always have something to do.

I am good at taking care of the day-to-day practical necessities.

I can be very funny, straight forward and honest.

I am a problem solver.  My mentality is, "Let's fix it."

I am fast-paced.  I walk fast, drive fast, eat fast, talk fast, work fast. 

I don't like to be alone.  I need people I can depend on. 

I can be extremely judgmental.

I am often stubborn, inflexible, unreasonable, and overly rigid.

I can be materialistic.
   
I tend to believe I'm always right and have a hard time listening to other people's opinions.

I can be insensitive and inadvertently hurt others so I have become really good at saying, "I'm sorry."
   
I am very uncomfortable with change.

I take my commitments in relationships very seriously and I look for lifelong relationships.

I dislike repeated mistakes.

I go the extra mile and put a great deal of effort into everything I do.

I found that both in my marriage and in the new relationship both men found that a lot of these things about me were my downfalls. Some of these things about me for years I were told are my greatest enemies have actually been my loyal servants.  It is because of them that I am who I am.